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Although this guide is mainly for people dealing with the loss of a loved one, if you are planning your own funeral then please get in touch. We can help guide you in the right direction regarding funeral plans. Remember, you can always write your funeral wishes in your will - it is really easy to do this if you write a will with our service.
When a loved one passes away, it is important to spend time with family and friends. Whilst a death in the family is hard, it also brings everyone together. It is important to lean on those close to you during difficult times. Make sure you take the time to embrace your friends and family. This is a time to remember, share, and grieve together. Never hesitate to ask people for help.
Choosing a funeral director is a tough, but important job. At the end of the day, the most important factor is choosing a funeral director you feel comfortable with. This is your loved one’s farewell and should be exactly how you and they wanted. Other important factors for choosing a funeral director are personal recommendations, location, and price. We provide a guide on this here.
A death notice is an announcement of a person’s death that can be published online or in a local newspaper. It is often written by the family and will inform the readers about the person who has died and the details of their funeral service. Remember, you can share your Octopus Legacy support hub as a form of notice and also share details of a funeral in the hub itself.
This is important for several reasons. Firstly, there may be information within the will in regards to what they want for their funeral service. Also, the will may provide information on whether they had pre-paid funeral plan or life insurance information. Funerals can be hard to manage financially, so getting clarity on this could be beneficial to you over the next few weeks. You can read more about wills here.
Once you select your funeral director, they will be able to guide you through what you need to plan. Remember, this is the time to ask for specific requests. Good funeral directors will help you plan the funeral the way you want.
When you first meet your funeral director you will have a consultation. This can take up to one or two hours. You can either visit their premises to get a feel for the funeral director, or ask them if they can come to your home. Below, we provide several topics you might discuss during this consultation:
A celebrant or religious representative will conduct the actual funeral. Anyone can do this, including a friend or family member. However, most families generally go with a professional celebrant.
The celebrant or religious representative will ask a few questions about your loved one and ask to see photos. This is so they can understand more about who they were as a person and make the funeral service more personal. There is no specific plan you need to follow, but you will generally be limited by time. Some useful things to think about include:
Remember to check out our thoughts on all of these funeral planning points elsewhere in the advice centre.
The eulogy is a speech read out at the funeral as a tribute to someone who has just died. Like choosing songs and poems, the eulogy can be a time to bond with family and remember. There will be parts of a person’s life you did not experience and hearing these stories can be warming. Take your time on this, even though it may seem hard at times. Octopus Legacy allows you to alert people when you do not want guests, and it is common to request to be left alone whilst the family is writing the eulogy.
The first week involves a number of formalities. The second week is generally about the funeral service organisation. Octopus Legacy’s Family To-Do list allows you to create a list of what needs to be done, by when, and by whom.
Once you confirm the time and date with the funeral director, you need to communicate this to your friends and family. You can call, email or put a notice in the paper. Octopus Legacy allows you to share this information in a private and secure environment. Simply share the obituary and funeral information with friends via the links we provide you.
The funeral director will be able to help you with flowers and catering services. However, you can organise this yourself. Just make sure the flower providers have a little notice. They tend to order flowers twice a week. Octopus Legacy staggers the flower deliveries sent to you, so please let us know if you want some of the pre-ordered flowers sent to the funeral service. We are happy to offer this service for free.
The order of service is the schedule for the funeral guests. However, families often use this booklet to explain a little about their loved one and fill it with lovely photos. Families and friends generally keep these ‘order of service’ booklets to look at in the future.
Sit down with the funeral director a few days before and ensure you provide everything they need from you. Make sure the To-Do list you form is complete. If they aren’t organising the wake, talk to your caterers, etc, and make sure everything for the wake is ready. Also, confirm the venue in advance.
This may well be before the three-week mark. The funeral service is a time to remember, share, cry, laugh, and be around the people you love. There is no correct way to deal with grief and everyone will deal with it differently. Some will cry whilst others may stay emotionless. It is always good to remember everyone at the funeral is there to support you and your family.
You, or the funeral director, should be able to pick up the ashes from the crematorium two days after the service. Take your time to think about what you want to do with the ashes. There is no rush.
There is no hurry to pick a headstone at all. Take your time. Many families reveal the headstone in the months to come and turn it into a get-together after the funeral.
We highly recommend you talk to someone within bereavement support, even if you think you are doing okay. Losing someone you love is the hardest thing you will have to deal with, and it is ok to say you are not able to cope. We list bereavement support services here, but you can also ask your GP to recommend bereavement support services in your area.
